Despite my trepidation, my decision to go to graduate school for Library and Information Studies at University of North Carolina, has been a positive, quietly life-changing, experience.
I was lucky enough to begin my continued education in Fall 2011, with what I call the Dream-Team, Dr. Hersberger and Dr. Carmichael, for two required courses, Intro to Library, and Research. I don't think I would have realized that Library School was the right place for me if I had started my coursework with any two other classes or professors.
I started Library School, beaten down and unsure.
Was I worth going into debt to go to school when I never even used my undergrad degree professionally?
While I raised three children successfully, and have had brushes with fame as a performing singer-songwriter, I have never been able to fit into the confines of a responsible job, preferring what I call Gypsy Jobs, such as waiting tables, and cleaning houses, living on the edge with my mind free, rolling with the roller coaster of bi-polarism, and putting the roundy rounds of a.d.d. to use.
Any responsibility besides my dedication to my children felt like an unbearable anchor on my shoulders, one I couldn't bear.
I taught 5th grade from Dec. to May in the early 90's and never went back. I was a star when I did my coursework for being a teacher, but the real job did not translate.
I felt hopelessly overwhelmed.
I lacked the air of authority and matter-of-factness crucial to a successful teacher.
I wanted to mother the children like my own and take them on learning adventures (!) but it was impossible.
Teaching and mothering, it turned out, were very different, something I had not realized while in school. First and foremost, a teacher has to have total control over his/her classroom to even begin to teach.
I realized the time and dedication it would take to become what I considered to be a good teacher was more than I could promise. I'd rather be a good mother/bum than a good teacher/frantic, overwhelmed, burnt-out-on-children-mother.
It looked absurd, even to me, paying my college loans with my waitress tips, and dancing on the edge of poverty with three children, but there you have it.
It is all I could do.
I could only function when my mind and expectations were my own in a job that was easy to find and easy to leave, and flexible enough to always be available for my childrens' special events.
I preferred renting our houses because if you have "nothing," you have nothing to lose.
I preferred putting my worst foot forward, flying under the radar and being invisible, for it gives you miles of freedom in your head.
I refused ceilings as man-made, replacing ceilings with sky. There I found vaulting freedom.
So....am I worth going into debt to go to Library School when I never even used my undergrad degree professionally? Will I do the same thing? Love the school part and hate the real job?
Fortunately, I had Dr. Hersberger and Dr. Carmichael in my first semester, both amazing, inspiring teachers.
The comaraderie I feel and the friendships I've made with my classmates are due to Dr. Hersberger's thought-provoking, but fun, interactive games. She's quietly powerful, academic and warm and can turn your world inside out and upside down. ( See my 6/17/2011 post: "My advisor is Dr. Julia Hersberger-Professor of Library and Information Studies at UNC-G" for more.)
Dr. Carmichael is an amazing spirit, a master storyteller, open, self-deprecating, warm and encouranging, as he twirls his long mustache. He turned research into magic, empowering and challenging us to embark on a journey of locating information, wherever it lives. I would love to read his autobiography!
Compiling my first bibliography about the bacteriophage was extremely gratifying. Despite some of my limitations, I proved to myself that I was capable of understanding very difficult text, out of my field, and explain it back in a clear and concise way.
On Tuesday Dr. Hersberger would rock my world, and I learned what it means: "The more you learn, the less you know" as we tried to apply definitions to what we thought were the simplest of words, like library, information, knowledge.
On Wednesday Dr. Carmichael says things out of the blue, like: "If any of you doubts your ability, or right to be here, I'm here to tell you that you're fine." I think Dr. Carmichael is a mind reader in addition to his other gifts. Dr. Hersberger has that same mysterious ability to talk to everyone and make it feel like they are talking directly to me.
"When the pupil is ready, the teacher will appear."
Hsin Hsin Ming
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